Waking up from decades of brainwashing and facing the horrors committed by his own hands - and missing one of them but that's something he can deal with later - has not been easy for Bucky. After Steve broke through to him in DC, Bucky had run. He barely knew who he was and he wasn't ready to deal with all of his issues and regaining all those memories while being perceived so closely by his best friend. He needed time to himself, and he barely even got that, not with Steve knocking on his doorstep, asking for his help.
He's never been able to say no to Steve, and that's something that's remained inside of him since the very first time that they'd met.
Of course Bucky fought alongside his best friend and former lover against his team, of course he'd defended him during their fight with Iron Man - who was so much like his father that Bucky could barely believe it - and of course he'd followed after Steve when he'd dropped the Shield and ripped the star off his uniform. Now, they've taken refuge in Wakanda, with the new King and his sister. Bucky's got a brand new arm and he's been weaned off the drugs and the suppressants he'd been forced to endure while captured. they've been working on his trigger words, and he's been working on adjusting.
He enters their small shared home after one of his appointments with Shuri, some sort of child genius and calls out, "Steve? Hey pal, I brought food." And that's been another thing to get used to, especially in Wakanda, but Bucky's found that he likes it.
During the war, but after project rebirth, Steve either took some strategically timed leave to accommodate his hormonal fluctuations, or took insanely high (out pace the super soldier metabolism, down an elephant) doses of standard suppressants when he had to be in the field.
After he came out of the ice and was with SHIELD - then the Avengers - it was tailored suppressants that actually worked well and a technological - equipment, a physical thing - version of a scent neutralizer.
In all cases it was all hidden from anyone not close to him or immediately involved, down to falsified medical records. Captain America's image was what it was, and that was for reliability.
At this point and on the run it was back to pretty well abusing black market versions of drugs and leaning hard to a Wakanda improved scent neutralizer. He was a wanted criminal (he was going to be mad at Tony about that for... a very long time, as well as just hurt).
He is sitting forward on the couch rubbing his eyes with one hand when Bucky walks in. He drops the hand down and stands up pretty close to immediately, to help get the food situated. "Hey. Session go all right?"
Bucky, an alpha, is probably one of the only people alive that knows Steve is an omega. They'd expected the serum to change that, but it hadn't. Bucky believes it's because that sort of thing is just not something that can be changed, and Steve is meant to be who he is. Steve still hasn't let it become public knowledge, not even now, when they're both wanted because of a betrayal from one of his Avenger friends.
"Good," he says. "The words are becoming less effective. I'm shaking them off faster every time." It's good news. He'd considered going back into the ice to keep from letting himself be triggered like that again, but he hadn't wanted to, and with Steve's support, he feels more comfortable taking this route instead.
"It's that curried chicken you like. Who knew that food could taste this good?" Steve probably did, since he's been here in the future longer. Bucky can't remember ever eating anything while Hydra had him, so he assumes they'd administered the calories and vitamins needed via tube while he was asleep.
"Your day go okay? You look like somethin's bothering you."
Steve had places he could be, and things he could be doing. They aren't the best option right now, ultimately. He's currently a... fugitive from the law (thanks, Tony) and staying here gives Bucky an option between 'cyrochamber' and being triggered into actions he does not want to take.
Steve's presence also likely makes that third option safer for other people; Steve is more capable of 'handling' Bucky on a physical level if something does go wrong, though not without physical and emotional cost.
He goes to grab forks and bottled water for both of them, and brings them over. "That's the goal. Glad it's working." Casual and distracted because: "Nothing's wrong. I'm just not real comfortable." He knows what's going on with him. He might share that information at some point.
But not before at least one of them's eaten. God knows Bucky has enough of his own shit and their relationship around this crap even before HYDRA and ice was complicated.
Bucky arches an eyebrow at him while he slips into one of the seats, the one opposite the seat that Steve takes most times. He knows when Steve is hiding something from him, and it's pretty clear that he is. "I know you don't like not doing something, but we gotta regroup, pal. I can't go back out there yet, and if you do, you're gonna be arrested." They both know it. Tony is just as vindictive as his father was, too.
Bucky slides the curry over to Steve and sets the flat bread down between them. It's still warm from the palace kitchens and Bucky soaks in some of that heat as he picks one up. "It's like when we were overseas-" not that they aren't overseas right now- "In that old bombed out church. We know those Hydra bastards were nearby but we needed a plan. Stevie, pal, we need a plan before we can leave here."
While they're in hiding, they can still keep sharp. Bucky has skills wired into his brain so deeply that he doesn't think he will ever lose them, and Steve's serum keeps him active. Neither of them are good at sitting still, so their days usually involve a large empty field and a lot of sparring.
Sometimes, Steve is pretty sure Bucky does this on purpose. Pick up that something's wrong, make a guess that's reasonable enough and verbalize it just so Steve's basic honesty will demand he confirm or correct.
The real frustrating part is, it pretty much works.
Not that Bucky's wrong, or Steve doesn't like sparring. It's just not what's going on right now.
"I don't have a problem being here right now; right now this is the only place to be." For help for Bucky, and for some down time that even Steve and his people need, but also: "I meant physically off." Which no, isn't much of a thing, unless he's just been shot or is running on an enormous sleep or calorie deficit.
He sits down, picks up his fork and eats. Whether he feels like it or not. "Probably the suppressants." Thank God for the scent neutralizer. Shoving himself at Bucky is not a thing he wants to do.
Despite their seventy years apart, Bucky can still read Steve better than anyone else on the planet. He's glad to hear that Steve's okay with being here in Wakanda, because there really is nowhere else for them right now. King T'Challa has given them refuge away from the rest of the world, and no one can follow them here. Wakanda has been hidden for centuries, a secret from the rest of the world.
Steve's admission makes him pause though, bread and curry halfway to his mouth.
Hydra had taken his mating gland, cut it out as yet another way to control him. He still goes through what an alpha should, naturally, but bonding is out of the question. There's a chance that he could regrow it with whatever knock off serum the Soviets had given him, but it's unlikely. He's still missing an arm, after all.
Still, he can't smell Steve, and he's not sure he likes that.
"Why don't you just go off 'em? Can't be healthy, takin' that shit. Ain't like i haven't helped you out before, in a heat."
Steve's pretty sure the reality of the situation is the suppressants giving out, given the way that headache is escalating and what he can feel the rest of his body trying to do. Especially given that he's eating but he's absolutely not interested. And he likes both food and this.
He isn't sure he's going to explain that to Bucky. He isn't sure he isn't going to.
He is damn grateful any scent involved on his end is blocked.
"Because it's not safe for anyone else, and it's especially not fair to you." Not after seventy years, everything done to Bucky and, hell, their actual history and Steve's refusals before the serum.
Even seventy years of brainwashing couldn't make him forget how stubborn Steve can be. Sighing, Bucky sets his food down and looks directly at Steve. There's been so much between them over the years, the experiments, the shared heat and rut experiences, and Bucky making his desire to claim Steve very clear. It's not something Steve's ever wanted and Bucky respects that. He can't bond any more, anyway, and Steve deserves someone that can give him everything.
"You say it's not safe, but I know that you know alphas that can take care of you," he points out. There's Thor, and T'Challa, and even Bruce. Bucky isn't the only one that can match Steve in strength. "And I don't understand how it's not fair to me. If you want me, my answer will always be yes. You ain't forcing me into anything."
"I had a whole list of reasons for why you were a bad idea, until about five minutes after you walked in here."
He grimaces and pushes his plate away from himself. "Just feels ... mean after I spent that long pushing you away to ask you now."
Those suppressants have given way and he knows it. Can feel it. Hence the grimace. At least the scent blocker thing is still working. That one's not likely to break since it has nothing to do with his biology.
Bucky lets a small smirk cross his face and says, "well you were a stubborn ass then, and that ain't changes a whole lot. But I'm stubborn too, and I know that I'm your best bet." Besides, times change. But the one thing that doesn't is Bucky wanting to help Steve out, no matter what the problem is.
"Look, I wouldn't be just doing you a favour. It's been a long time for me, and you don't really forget what it feels like to get a knot into an omega. And you don't have to worry about bonding, since I can't do that anymore anyway."
To Bucky, it all makes sense, but it really is up to Steve. Maybe he'd prefer a different alpha or something.
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He's never been able to say no to Steve, and that's something that's remained inside of him since the very first time that they'd met.
Of course Bucky fought alongside his best friend and former lover against his team, of course he'd defended him during their fight with Iron Man - who was so much like his father that Bucky could barely believe it - and of course he'd followed after Steve when he'd dropped the Shield and ripped the star off his uniform. Now, they've taken refuge in Wakanda, with the new King and his sister. Bucky's got a brand new arm and he's been weaned off the drugs and the suppressants he'd been forced to endure while captured. they've been working on his trigger words, and he's been working on adjusting.
He enters their small shared home after one of his appointments with Shuri, some sort of child genius and calls out, "Steve? Hey pal, I brought food." And that's been another thing to get used to, especially in Wakanda, but Bucky's found that he likes it.
no subject
After he came out of the ice and was with SHIELD - then the Avengers - it was tailored suppressants that actually worked well and a technological - equipment, a physical thing - version of a scent neutralizer.
In all cases it was all hidden from anyone not close to him or immediately involved, down to falsified medical records. Captain America's image was what it was, and that was for reliability.
At this point and on the run it was back to pretty well abusing black market versions of drugs and leaning hard to a Wakanda improved scent neutralizer. He was a wanted criminal (he was going to be mad at Tony about that for... a very long time, as well as just hurt).
He is sitting forward on the couch rubbing his eyes with one hand when Bucky walks in. He drops the hand down and stands up pretty close to immediately, to help get the food situated. "Hey. Session go all right?"
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"Good," he says. "The words are becoming less effective. I'm shaking them off faster every time." It's good news. He'd considered going back into the ice to keep from letting himself be triggered like that again, but he hadn't wanted to, and with Steve's support, he feels more comfortable taking this route instead.
"It's that curried chicken you like. Who knew that food could taste this good?" Steve probably did, since he's been here in the future longer. Bucky can't remember ever eating anything while Hydra had him, so he assumes they'd administered the calories and vitamins needed via tube while he was asleep.
"Your day go okay? You look like somethin's bothering you."
no subject
Steve's presence also likely makes that third option safer for other people; Steve is more capable of 'handling' Bucky on a physical level if something does go wrong, though not without physical and emotional cost.
He goes to grab forks and bottled water for both of them, and brings them over. "That's the goal. Glad it's working." Casual and distracted because: "Nothing's wrong. I'm just not real comfortable." He knows what's going on with him. He might share that information at some point.
But not before at least one of them's eaten. God knows Bucky has enough of his own shit and their relationship around this crap even before HYDRA and ice was complicated.
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Bucky slides the curry over to Steve and sets the flat bread down between them. It's still warm from the palace kitchens and Bucky soaks in some of that heat as he picks one up. "It's like when we were overseas-" not that they aren't overseas right now- "In that old bombed out church. We know those Hydra bastards were nearby but we needed a plan. Stevie, pal, we need a plan before we can leave here."
While they're in hiding, they can still keep sharp. Bucky has skills wired into his brain so deeply that he doesn't think he will ever lose them, and Steve's serum keeps him active. Neither of them are good at sitting still, so their days usually involve a large empty field and a lot of sparring.
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The real frustrating part is, it pretty much works.
Not that Bucky's wrong, or Steve doesn't like sparring. It's just not what's going on right now.
"I don't have a problem being here right now; right now this is the only place to be." For help for Bucky, and for some down time that even Steve and his people need, but also: "I meant physically off." Which no, isn't much of a thing, unless he's just been shot or is running on an enormous sleep or calorie deficit.
He sits down, picks up his fork and eats. Whether he feels like it or not. "Probably the suppressants." Thank God for the scent neutralizer. Shoving himself at Bucky is not a thing he wants to do.
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Steve's admission makes him pause though, bread and curry halfway to his mouth.
Hydra had taken his mating gland, cut it out as yet another way to control him. He still goes through what an alpha should, naturally, but bonding is out of the question. There's a chance that he could regrow it with whatever knock off serum the Soviets had given him, but it's unlikely. He's still missing an arm, after all.
Still, he can't smell Steve, and he's not sure he likes that.
"Why don't you just go off 'em? Can't be healthy, takin' that shit. Ain't like i haven't helped you out before, in a heat."
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He isn't sure he's going to explain that to Bucky.
He isn't sure he isn't going to.
He is damn grateful any scent involved on his end is blocked.
"Because it's not safe for anyone else, and it's especially not fair to you." Not after seventy years, everything done to Bucky and, hell, their actual history and Steve's refusals before the serum.
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"You say it's not safe, but I know that you know alphas that can take care of you," he points out. There's Thor, and T'Challa, and even Bruce. Bucky isn't the only one that can match Steve in strength. "And I don't understand how it's not fair to me. If you want me, my answer will always be yes. You ain't forcing me into anything."
no subject
He grimaces and pushes his plate away from himself. "Just feels ... mean after I spent that long pushing you away to ask you now."
Those suppressants have given way and he knows it. Can feel it. Hence the grimace. At least the scent blocker thing is still working. That one's not likely to break since it has nothing to do with his biology.
no subject
"Look, I wouldn't be just doing you a favour. It's been a long time for me, and you don't really forget what it feels like to get a knot into an omega. And you don't have to worry about bonding, since I can't do that anymore anyway."
To Bucky, it all makes sense, but it really is up to Steve. Maybe he'd prefer a different alpha or something.